Taming of the Shrew: The Hillary Clinton Story

Newsweek’s Jonathan Alter had a great quote on the Clinton’s relationship with power. He stated that they view losing their power the same way “hard-core gun owners” do, “over their cold dead hands”. Hillary’s recent behavior, epitomized in her performance at Tuesday night’s debate only seemed to substantiate that.

Both Hillary and Bill have been career politicians. She sacrificed what looked like a successful career of her own in politics, to support Bill’s endeavors. In making this decision, her intentions have always been to use her position with Bill as a way to further her own career. She kept her name Rodham (at the behest of both of their mothers) so that according to her, they could “separate their personal lives”. Her support helped Bill tremendously as both Arkansas’ Governor and as President, and he owes much of his success to her.

The Clinton’s suffered one of their first (and rare) losses, his re-election bid as Arkansas governor. Incumbent Bill was defeated, and after that she “made a few changes” during their next campaign. After all, it was the 80’s by then, and that whole 70’s feminist name-keeping thing, well, let’s just say she pretty much dropped the Rodham for Mrs. Bill Clinton(even though she brought in more bacon from 78-92).

But this was always phase one of the plan. Phase two has always been the Hillary winning the white house. Her entire carpet-bag Senate career for New York was just a springboard to the White House.

Hillary is one of the most polarizing people in this country, someone who gets daily doses of vitriol from both the Right and Left. She is absolutely correct in saying that she has always been a target of “vicious” political attacks. She is very good at standing up to criticism, and the machine that the Clintons have built fights any republican attack machine valiantly, almost like an episode of “Battle Bots”.

Her entire Presidential campaign was built on the “experience” of being able to withstand, “unfair” attacks. Why then did she use a poorly-written and acted SNL skit as a means to cry victim? Comedy was never her strong point, and I do think people will refer to her, “Should we ask him if he’s comfortable and needs a pillow” line as a Dean moment. In this life and especially in politics, no-one gets a free-ride.

Imagine if Obama had lost over 10 straight contests, rose less money, and started going negative when he was down in the polls. The media would be pouncing on him the same if not harder. If anything, thanks in part to your campaign Obama has wasted his time arguing ridiculous, and thinly veiled racist-attacks about his Christianity and condemnation of Farrakhan. Clinton’s attempt to try and paint Obama as somehow anti-Semitic by complaining he “denounced” when he should have “rejected” Farrakhan, actually managed to backfire live in Obama’s coffin nailing response, “If the word 'reject' Senator Clinton feels is stronger than the word 'denounce,' then I'm happy to concede the point and I would reject and denounce."

I believe Hillary believes that her sacrifices were going to guarantee her the White House. She felt and was probably told if she was patient and followed the script and she would have what she desired. This is why I almost feel bad for her. Well, almost.

Her performance in the debate last night, coupled with her attacks leveled at Obama in the past few days are utterly inexcusable. The NYT described Hillary’s new strategy as “the Kitchen Sink”. She hasn’t just thrown the sink; she threw the microwave, toaster, blender, oven mitts….anything she could get her hands on.

Her mockery of Obama’s speeches which have inspired new people into the Democratic Party would be funny, if they weren’t outright damaging to her party. She has decided to attempt a last ditch, scorched-earth policy, using John McCain’s same attacks, and surrogates like Bob (Black Exploitation Television) Johnson to paint him as a drugged up-Muslim who wants to make sweet love to our enemies and bomb our allies.

So here it is Hillary, STOP. Do not pass go and do not collect another $200 of special interest money. When you lose next Tuesday (either Texas, Ohio or both), do the right thing and drop out. So you didn’t get the Presidency that you compromised yourself to get. Al Gore didn’t either and life still worked out pretty well for him.

Hillary, the Man in the Yellow Hat called, he wants his Jacket back.

What the fuck is up with Hillary's wardrobe. Everytime she needs to stand out she wears some type of man-ish Yellow suit. Here she was right after super tuesday.

She looks like a fucking banana.

But when she made her shrewish speech mocking obama on sunday, she rocked the most hideous man-jacket I've ever seen.


Yup, the raincoat looking thing.

Jesus Hillary, the man in the yellow hat called


He wants his jacket back.

UPDATE

Oh my god, it just doesn't stop. This is the main photo as of 4:00 PM central on Drudge.


Money says she goes Yellow in the debate.

Fuck The Kids, Fuck The Whales and Save the TV

Yesterday, hoping to find something intellectually stimulating to cure my boredom I, like most good Americans, turned on my TV. I thought to myself, I’ll watch “something educational”, like the Discovery or History Channel, thinking that surely they will have engaging and thought-provoking material.

Not even fucking “Cash Cab”.

I started to question whether or not I was in an episode of the Twilight Zone. On the “Discovery” Channel, there was an hour long documentary on Alien Vampires.

Real Vampires from outer space, not to be confused with the industrial-black metal band.

They have a single, "Nuns are Pregnant".... REALLY heavy stuff. Wore on my soul.

Anywhoo,

On the “History” Channel there was an hour long documentary on Big foot’s cousin, Big Bird (seriously, a supposed giant bird).

The H is for History.

What happened to the once lone beacons of intelligent programming?

I Fucking grew up on the Discovery and History Channels. But their programming has significantly changed, both in subject and content. Let me

first be clear, I love Mythbusters, and a few other programs on these channels that I enjoy.

However, in the past few years I noticed the appearance of two specific and vile types of the programming, Make Believe and Apocalypse-Vision.

Make-Believe programming is where we get Alien Vampires and Big Bird. The formula is simple, strange alien, ghost, monster etc., event.

For this example, we will use MAN-BIRD, Defender of Freedom.

Note:Man-Bird is in no way similair to Birdman a registered trademark of Hanna-Barbera inc.

followed by large bearded “experts”,

who get refuted by other less bearded “experts”,

ending with a Saturday morning “who do you believe?” cliffhanger.

?

To all you network executives, I don’t know if it’s cocaine or what, but how high to you have to be to think that this crap is a good programming for your channel?

Sure, it probably does boost your ratings. I am very aware that at least 1/3 of all people watching “How it’s Made” on the History Channel are stoned. But you are destroying your networks integrity, and only putting out the same ratings-obsessed, vapid commercial drivel that spawned a market for your channels in the first place.

At the end of the day, it’s not even the fact that you do shows on UFO’s or ghosts, it is how bad those shows are. They are flashy, ridiculously packaged and altogether bad journalism/history/whatever you want to call it. Why not do a serious program interviewing members of the National Disclosure Project, a VERY REAL group of NASA scientists, pilots and high ranking military and defense officials that has publicly stated not only have we been visited by Extra Terrestrials, but the US government is covering it up and has been doing so for a long time.

Watch their video here.

By all means do a show on Aliens, but enough with this cartoon shit and bearded vs. non-bearded debates.

More than anything though, your current fascination with the Apocalypse is the worst. Every other week, I am bombarded with commercials that make me want to poop my pants. “Gamma Radiation could microwave the Earth at any time without notice” or “A computer program has predicted the world will end in 2012”. Would you people please stop. Cease. Desist.

Be it Nostradamus, some Mayan Calendar, or Optimus Prime I DO NOT CARE WHEN YOU THINK THE WORLD WILL END.

First this programming is just as mind-numbing and flashy as your UFO crap. Second, If we are all going to die in some inescapable global catastrophe,

A. It is entirely un-productive and unnecessary to freak out over what’s inevitable (death)

B. If it happens, be glad you get to see it.

Finally, your Networks should be held liable for how many nervous breakdowns your endless array of End of the World shows have caused.

So please, coke-addicted network executives, put the discovery back in Discovery Channel. And put the History back in History Channel, Although could you make it a little less White this time?

No.

Well, just thought I’d ask.

fuckers

Valentine's Day Commandments

Valentine's Day Commandments

Thou Shall Not Purchase Hallmark.

The biggest problem with Valentine’s Day is its inherent commercialization. In fairness, the modern incarnation of Valentine’s Day has always been a for-profit scam, but it exists today as such only because we buy (into) it. It is common for cultures to have traditions and holidays like Valentine’s Day. A day for people to share their romantic love is great (in theory).

However, the commercially expected mandates of Valentine’s Day make the day less than genuine. Our Valentine’s Day seems more forced than the new Russian Equivalent, Conception Day, wherein people are given a holiday from work, a government issue “love kit”, and a chance at winning a prize if you have a child exactly 9 months from that day.

So rather than buy your significant other a 4 foot teddy bear or $10 impersonal mp3 greeting card, do something authentic like cooking dinner or writing them a letter.

Thou Shall Not Purchase Roses:

This is for the guys. Look I know women like flowers. Why? I don’t know, I guess for the same reason they like shoes and Project Runway. But Roses on Valentine’s Day is just so incredibly lame and predictably cheesy. Just give it two weeks and they will wither and die like apparently your sense of creativity and spontaneity did years ago.

Whatever you do, if you do decide to throw on the cheese and get Roses, DO NOT BUY JUST ONE. It makes you look like a tool. That is unless it is made of chocolate. Then I suppose it’s forgivably delicious.

Thou Shall Do Something Special For Their Loved One More Than Just Once a Year:

If you do special things for your partner only on days of obligation (Valentine’s, Birthdays, Anniversaries), either your relationship, (or more likely) you need to go. When you care about someone, you do special things for them because you want to, not because you have to.

Showing someone that you love them is not supposed to be a chore. In a week or two, take your partner out on a date just because it’s Tuesday. Or better yet buy “Across the Universe”,

the most surefire date movie of the past 10 years. The more spontaneous the sign of affection, the more exciting and worthwhile it will be.

Thou Shall Call All of Those You Love.

If there is going to be a day for love, why not go ahead and just go all out. Give your friends Sponge Bob Valentines; pass out those crappy chalk hearts to your neighbors.

And tell your family you them. Mom, family, I love you.

And finally, Thou Shall Go To the Bar if Thou Art Single.

If this V-Day you find yourself alone, don’t fret, there are many folks just like you. I challenge you to name a better day for hooking-up than Valentine’s Day. Everyone there will be just as anxious and hopeful as you are. It’s easier than shooting fish in a barrel. And more fun too.

Thou shall only need love.

The Beatles once said, “All you need is Love”. At the end of the day, I figure that’s the only commandment worth following. Happy Valentine’s Day Megan.

Super Tuesday Cluster-Fuck and Beyond: Aftermath(UPDATE)

The most over-hyped day in politics came and went, welcome to the aftermath. The punditry has been flapping their talking heads for the past week so here is the Duke reports offical Aftermath Of Super Tuesday Cluster-Fuck

Republicans: The republican nomination was all but decided Tuesday. The comeback Geriatric McCain was able to swing away with the majority of states and delegates, and is now a shoe-in for the nomination. McCain’s comeback has been a surprising and clear indicator of a fight within the Republican Party.

Mitt Romney was never that conservative, but he did look like an Arrowhead Model. However because of the inept candidacies of Rudy Giuliani and Fred Thompson, Romney became de-facto, and conservatives distrusting of McCain flocked to him as their only hope. In the end however, no matter what Rush Limbaugh said or did, Romney lost and McCain won.

Huckabee gave McCain the edge to win. There are 3 (sometimes overlapping) types of conservatives, social (generally Christian), economic and defense. Huckabee was able to stay in long enough to woo both evangelicals and Walker Texas Ranger fans away from Romney. The fact that he was Mormon didn’t help.

In the next few weeks, McCain will try to make amends with the conservatives who distrust him on issues like immigration and campaign Finance reform. He will accomplish this by nominating a southern conservative, possibly Huckabee or Fred Thompson to do the same thing JFK did with LBJ, appease.

UPDATE: Huckabee has decided to stick it in. The Republican Party is running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Romney’s Delegates are up for grabs and Huckabee has the VERY LONG SHOT possibility of beating McCain if he can muster some last minute anti-McCain majorities.

The Republican Establishment has sided with McCain, and they hate Huckabee. This most likely is already done, but with this election so far, who knows.

RON PAUL IS ESSENTIALLY DROPPING OUT. Unfortunately, fervent support even from myself wasn’t able to get Paul into even Huckabee longshot territory. The campaign has been worthwhile and important. The most important thing is that this new Libertarian movement stays together and fights on. Ron Paul was never the savior of America, he was an honest politician in a time where there are none. He needs to focus on being re-elected to congress to keep his voice heard. If you were passionate about Paul and his message continue the real fight.

Great change will not come from the top down. You will be sitting around with your thumb up your ass before that shit will ever happen. Start banding together at state and local levels to elect officials that share the message of freedom from oppressive government. But without this base, progressives, greens, libertarians, any third party group will not succeed. We need to stop focusing about shit like the presidency and start focusing on local, state, and congressional races. Ron Paul would agree, that is how you fuck their system.

Democrats: The democratic side Tuesday was less decisive. Hillary was able to hold off Obama’s increasing momentum. While Obama is slightly ahead in delegates, Hillary is by no means out of the race, but fundraising and polls do indicate a clear momentum for Obama. He raised 30 million in January and millions more this week whereas Hillary has wrote her campaign a check for 5 million and asked staff to go without pay. Obama clearly has the wind at his back.

However the upcoming states will be very difficult for either to win outright. With the exception of a huge surprise or gaffe, this fight could very well go all the way to the convention, something that DNC chair Howard Dean has already warned against. And unfortunately, it ultimately may be decided thru backdoor party treachery.

Super delegates and invalid elections in Michigan and Florida may end up deciding this nomination. Super delegates are not elected by primaries or caucuses, they are party establishment who can vote for whoever they want and are not tied to the wishes of the people. They have been shown to favor Clinton and they will be hard fought over. Ultimately however, someone could win the majority of delegates but have the nomination stripped if the super delegates decide to spoil it.

Even more troubling to the Obama camp is the problem with Michigan and Florida. They moved up their primaries illegally so the party penalized them by stripping their delegates. The candidates agreed to not campaign there except, at the last second, Hillary broke her promise. She didn’t remove her name from the Ballot in Michigan as promised like Obama and Edwards and she campaigned in Florida when she said she wouldn’t. Now she is crying that although the contests weren’t sanctioned she wants the delegates. If she is able to get these delegates, aside from being an outright liar and cheat, she will be the Democratic Nominee.

The Republicans want Hillary because they think they can beat her. Imagine John McCain, who looks like the crypt keeper up next to the dynamic, “clean” Obama. No contest.

But at the end of the day November is months away. A third party runner could shift these numbers all out of whack; Ron Paul isn’t going anywhere yet. At the end of the day, Tuesday gave us McCain, took from us Mitt, and set the stage for a bitter and backdoor fight between Obama and Clinton. Now would someone end the writers strike so we Americans can go back to not paying attention? Our head hurts.

UPDATE: Obama is kicking some Hill-dog ass. He swept her over the weekend and looks like he will continue to do so for the next couple weeks. She has changed head staff around and now is trying to rebuild her image as that of underdog. She has to win in Texas and Ohio to have any shot at legitimately claiming the Nomination. We shall see if when the inevitable Obama popular victory happens if she will bow out gracefully(with might I add a better shot of making a successful bid later) or try and steal it thru democrats of Florida. Time will tell.

The Constraints of Soundbytes and Art

You are sitting watching TV, and a commercial comes on. It is a montage of beautiful scenery, flowing rivers and smiling kids. No it’s not the next pharmaceutical wonder-drug, or some politicians campaign commercial, it is a message from the wonderful and kind oil industry. Following after BP almost all the major oil companies have been on a PR blitz recently to convince the American Public that they are environmental stewards. They tout increased ethanol production and funding for “alternative” energy as proof of there “reformed greenery”. To explain why exactly that oil companies are by no means environmental stewards in their practices today would take a whole different column, if not a book. Rather than address this one case, I feel the need to discuss the larger issue of the power of images and sound in the 21^st century.

The commercial has its roots in revolutionary Soviet Russian art and politics. Early Soviet films like Battleship Potemkin were devolved and used as Soviet propaganda. These films abandoned the traditional linear storytelling in favor of a collection of images that meant to invoke emotion and shape thought. This is what our current 30 second advertising spot is based upon. The commercial is a collection of images and sounds that are meant to intentionally invoke specific emotions and often particular primal instincts in order to shape thought. Truth in advertising is always thrown under a bus; these ads are made to sell you on a particular product or ideology. For the past half century, in ever increasing ways these ads, and the thousand other product placements, internet banners, logos and print ads have impacted and formed our common consciousness without any real critical thinking about them.

This is why we have a sort of false consciousness is the one in which American’s know how much a chicken bowl at KFC costs, but not the difference between Sunnis and Shiites. We know that we are in Iraq because of WMD’s, Bin Laden and 9/11. We live in a sound byte culture in which the fantastic amount of information we receive and process is neatly packaged for us. This sound byte, stereotype packaging comes with a price, the loss of reality. There are journalists that go in depth into the actual story, opting for objective investigation and journalism instead of corporate and pentagon produced PR videos; but this information compromises only a small minority of the information individuals disseminate. Among Americans, even those who actually try and seek out the pertinent, valuable news, it is undoubtedly much easier to flick on FOX or check the ticker on CNN. While some organizations are obviously worse than others, (FOX), our social construction is what is developing this false consciousness. This falsity is so pervasive in our society that everything, every network, company and person is tainted by it.

In the end, it’s all about the Benjamin’s baby. Ultimately, corporate bottom lines are the reason why important yet complex stories are abandoned for the next missing white woman. This consciousness is supported by power elite the fact that we like to be entertained much more than we like to be informed. Even though fundamentally and ideologically opposite, the Beatles and modern day car companies have become married in a sick form of capitalist exploitation. Beautiful art, both in the music and images are changed into the means in which something can be effectively marketed. Art is not a machine; you do cannot destroy art but it can certainly pervert it.

Images, sounds, ads and montages affect us psychologically, but it doesn’t always have to be bad. Art is the potential in humans that binds with our creativity which has the power to help in the struggle for progress. A great example of this is the new film, “Across the Universe”, in theatres now. It is the music of the Beatles, set to a narrative of the turbulent 60’s weaving music, politics, love, art and sexuality all into a moving two hour film. I never really grew up with the Beatles, but to hear that music and see where it came from was powerful beyond words. We the people have the ability to create the anti-ad, to see something like the Beatles not as a revolution in car-making but in the revolutionary context of their time. So the next time you see something on TV, critically analyze it, and, if it doesn’t add up then tune out, turn off and drop it like it’s hot(garbage that is).

BAD JESUS: Heath Ledger's Death and Christian Hate

Bill Hicks has a famous stand up line about how he was confronted by two angry patrons that were upset over his subject matter. They said, “Hey buddy, we’re Christians and we don’t like what you said”. To which Mr. Hicks replied, “yeah, so, forgive me”.

Intolerance transcends race, gender and religion but, it is modern religious intolerance that is getting a great deal of attention today. Religious intolerance is nothing new, humans have been killing each other over god since the dawn of civilization. However modern religious intolerance has developed into a strange beast here in America. The new modern religious intolerance is that of the supposed religious, especially upon those who they have deemed as evil.

Atheists and agnostics can be intolerant(and annoying ie: Christopher Hitchens), but there is a difference in how even the most fervent of the secular take their beliefs. The majority of Religious violence is carried out by those who are supposedly religious. In America, how many Atheists are blowing up Right-to-Life Buildings and Churches? How many agnostics are home schooling their children that those who don’t believe like them are evil and destined to burn in a lake of fire?

The vast majority of religious people are of course not violent. Belief in some form of Higher Power or existence has inspired many to act peacefully. And all the world’s major religions basically boil down to the same golden rule, treat other people like you want to be treated, love thy neighbor. Personally, I myself find Atheism rather boring and unappreciative (not of god necessarily, but life).

However it is the same faith that has inspired people throughout history like Dr. Martin Luther King and Gandhi that can fuel religious Zealots. When you think you have god on your side, you are convinced that you are just and true, whether or not you actually are. The level of faith that someone has does not make them just, and that same faith can blind people from rationally examining their beliefs.

The extremes of intolerance are personified in the Westboro Baptist Church. This is the group that protests Military Funerals, because they feel that America should be punished for its homosexuality. They have just announced they are going to protest Heath Ledger’s funeral, something that even the Joker wouldn’t find funny.

Of course this is an extreme example of intolerance, but at the same time, most Christian faiths condemn homosexuality as evil. Are then most Christians as evil as Fred Phelps and the like? No, but both do agree on the same intolerant principle. It seems to me that if this group protested Aids patient Funerals instead of military ones, you wouldn’t have seen nearly as massive the condemnation they received.

I honestly feel bad for the devout Christians these days. They are receiving so many mixed messages on what it is to be good, and their leadership whom they have given everything to have been of absolutely no help. Those who have built empires on peoples faiths have perverted their religion to condemn what they call perversion, only to time and time again be caught engaging in this same perversion they condemned. It is just perverted.

Jesus, Buddha, Moses, Mohammed, Krishna, you name the deity, their message was never one of intolerance. That is why the secular often call the religious hypocrites, they feel that these people use a religion of peace to preach hate. And it is not all religious people by any means, but those who are religious, demand accountability from your leaders and their churches. And please use that big brain that god gave you to ask questions.

DUKE SMOKES FAT BLUNTS FOR FREEDOM

Illinois is now making the move to ban Salvia, a naturally growing plant that is sold as a legal light hallucinogen. This is just business as usual for American politicians. Marijuana is the most widely used illegal drug in America and because of that it has been the scourge of opportunist politicians, moral finger-wavers and all types of other grand-standers. The war on marijuana (yes war on a plant, even though it can’t really fight or talk), has cost taxpayers in the country billions of wasted dollars, prevented the development of a much needed and promising industry and has ruined the lives of non-violent offenders and their families.

It is difficult to gauge the actual number of American’s who use marijuana. NORML, the National organization for the reform of Marijuana laws does a good job of collecting data and comparing it with private and government data. According to NORML user numbers generally fall at about 20 million, with about 11 million people using regularly. This is an enormous segment of the US population and makes marijuana the third most used substance (behind tobacco and alcohol) and the most used illegal substance. The demographics of this group are not just your cast of characters from “half-baked”, old dead-heads and the Method Man, this group is made up of mostly tax-paying law abiding citizens.

Marijuana is dangerous in the sense that any mood altering chemical is dangerous. It slows reaction time, thus making things like driving more dangerous. The active ingredient in marijuana that produces these effects is a chemical called THC. This chemical can come in amounts from 3% to about 30% although certain oils and hash have even higher percentages. That can make dosage difficult especially for the novice user. Marijuana smoke is cancerous yet it not toxic; no one has ever overdosed from marijuana. The government currently has a campaign saying that one joint is as bad as five cigarettes. This propaganda doesn’t include the fact that cigarettes have filters, and only a small percentage of people smoke doobies anymore, many opt for tobacco leaves, glass pipes, bongs or vaporizers, and with the exception of the vaporizer(recommended fro medicinal use) very little study has been done in this area.

So the bad side of marijuana is that it is hard to dose consistently, it slows reaction time and it is still smoke. Yet these facts still do not qualify it by any standard of measurement to be worse than alcohol or tobacco. Those two legal drugs each year kill more people than marijuana could ever hope too. Then why, in 2006 did we arrest 829,000 individuals for marijuana offenses. Of those arrests, 89% were for possession, not sale or manufacture. Marijuana arrests total more than the combined arrests for all violent offenses in the US. We arrest more marijuana smokers than, robbers, killers, and rapists…where is Nancy Grace when you need her?

This is all at a whopping cost to the US taxpayers of 10 billion a year. With the crises in funding wars of conquest, social security and Medicare, one might want to rethink spending 10 billion harassing people who use a plant that grows naturally. In fact recently some people did, 500 top economists, including three Nobel Prize winners, sent a letter to President Bush saying that if legalized and regulated like tobacco and alcohol, it could produce revenues of 6.2 billion dollars a year. So instead of losing 10 billion, the economy could make 6.2 billion and that money could be taxed. This does not include the amount of revenue that a legalized industrial hemp industry could produce. Hemp can be used to make paper, food, clothes and a whole slew of other things, including fuel and it can be grown year round without nearly as much environmental run-off as things like corn. The color of money in America is green.

As the Method-Man once said, “marijuana is just nature’s way of saying high”. Whether it is moral, economic or practical, there is no good argument for continued prohibition. It is time to hold these politicians and grand-standers that waste billions on this fruitless venture accountable and finally do the one thing that makes sense, Legalize it!

ATTENTION: THIS COLUMN IS ABOUT SEX AND WAS HEAVILY CENSORED BECAUSE OF IT

NOTE: This Column was set to appear in the paper that I write for. Apparently, such graphic talk of sex is not allowed. I have italicized all they took out(they left in the rest and published it)

My name is not Mystery, and I am not proclaiming to be any type of expert. I have however, made some mistakes in the world of college dating, and those have to count for something. So, I decided to boil down these life lessons into a few helpful hints.

1. Communication sets the standard. It is the key to any good relationship. Effectively communicating how one feels in a relationship is necessary for its success; a relationship without open and honest exchanges is doomed. If there is something that your partner does that upsets you, you need to communicate that to them in an effective manner. Otherwise how is anything going to change?

This communication is not meant to be a constant nag session (that can kill the relationship too). When entering a relationship with someone, you do it accepting their flaws as well as their strengths. But staying open and honest about one’s feelings is always the best policy. An environment wherein two people feel that they can be honest and open with each other is going to make life easier, even if the relationship sours.

In the next two minutes you will see at least 3 people who are in relationships that they are not happy with. Personal experience has shown me that bad communication is almost always the source. The longer one lies to themselves and their partner about how they feel, the worse it inevitably gets. So be honest with each other, and don’t be afraid to say what you feel.

2. Sex is almost always better with the same person. When I was in high school, I had this image that college was constant stream of one-night-stands. The typical bout of College sex is often portrayed in film and TV as nothing but spontaneous, rambunctious and random hookups. These bouts of male conquistador conquest are preferable to the committed sexual relationship (reserved for the “nice guy”). Twenty bucks says that guy in the committed relationship has better sex.

Sex is complicated and like snowflakes, absolutely no two people are exactly the same. Since sex is a physical extension of a relationship it needs good, you guessed it, communication. It takes time to get to know someone’s body, and to find proper rhythm in intimacy. This coupled with the fact that most one night stands happen under the influence, end un-climactic and have the awkward late-night or early morning skedaddle.

3. Long Distance relationships hardly ever work. I know that you think your significant other back home and you are going to work thru the distance. Chances are that you are not. One of the biggest killers of college relationships is distance. This however is just natural and human.

Many people start college with a long distance relationship. It can work for awhile and people try; there are the weekend warriors who drive every Friday to spend time with their partner. The strain however that is put on both people generally ends up being too much. This is a time where people meet new people and grow. And when someone is forced to ignore what they can actually see, for something they have to wait for, well most aren’t that patient. And they shouldn’t necessarily have to be. There are some people who do make the distance work, but they are few and far between, and it simply is too much for the average relationship. So rather than head to the graveyard of the long distance relationship, re-evaluate your relationship. The sooner that you and your significant other accept that you are going to meet new people, the better the chance that the two of you can preserve at least your friendship.

So there you are relationship advice from a guy who knows that he don’t know nothing.

Keep Your God Out of My Pants

There is a group called Club Varsity, which is a collection of speakers, athletes and entertainers whose stated goal is to influence young people positively. They go around to schools and church groups and preach the following message, “Life is not a game, yet many of the same principles can be applied to achieve success. When goals and standards are neither set nor encouraged, it is to be expected that youth will experiment in all types of "risky behaviors"—pre-marital sex, drugs, alcohol, and violence.” To facilitate this encouragement, you can purchase ATM cards or Abstinence Till Marriage pledge cards on their website for just 65 cents each(50 cents if you buy 3000 or more). These cards look just like real ATM cards, except they aren’t used to dispense cash; they are used to dispense promises.

I can’t fathom what goes thru the mind of someone who supports Abstinence-Only-Education; either it is ignorance, denial, self-righteousness, or a combination of the three. Sex is wonderful, fun, healthy and completely natural. But it also comes with responsibility, and can have nasty side effects like creepy crawly VD’s and babies. So lets clear up any misconceptions and start with ignorance on the subject.

A federal study showed that the MAJORITY of people have their first sexual experience in their teens. The National Center for Health Statistics found that about 57 percent of Americans had sex before age 18. The kids, they got urges, and they are doing something about ‘em. And studies are showing that kids are “experimenting” with sex at younger and younger ages. The kids are doing it even when you tell them not to. No one disagrees that abstinence is the only 100% sure way not to get VD or babies, but the reality is that people still have urges that they act on. Sex is the earliest of all traditions and all abstinence-only-education is, is the only 100% sure way to keep kids from knowing how to use a condom right.

This brings us to denial. NO ONE LIKES ABORTION OR STD’s!!! People who are pro-choice do not want more abortions. Abstinence-only-education is very popular among anti-abortion folks. These “keep it in your pantsers” rally for no sexual education and condoms for schools. If you really don’t want abortions, then why would you not use proven effective measures to lower them? Having free condoms available to teens coupled with comprehensive sexual education has been shown to lower teen pregnancy and STD rates. If you really want to stop abortions give 8^th graders condoms and show them how to use them. The reality is, as the Mathematica Policy Research Inc. said when they released an evaluation of four abstinence programs, that these programs don’t have an affect on teen’s sexual behavior. These programs don’t have an impact, and the lack of a positive result translates to negative one.

So after denial and ignorance there is nothing left to support these programs other than self-righteousness. The argument for abstinence comes from religion as does the argument to abstain until marriage. First it wrong to assume that marriage is at all better for every individual. The message of abstain-till-marriage is offensive to many hardworking single mothers, implying somehow that they are worse parents than those who have a ring on the finger. We have in this country, separation of Church and State for a reason, and abstinence only education, much like intelligent design is a thinly veiled religious argument. If you choose to ignore your prime evolutionary objective fine, but keep your god out of my bedroom and out of my pants. Federal Abstinence-only-education needs to end immediately before the next Brittney has a baby because Kevin didn’t have a condom.

Dinosaurs Will Die- A Message on Music

Radiohead’s new album has been the talk of the new industry. Is it because of the greatness of the music? No, it has created an enormous buzz over the way it was distributed. Radiohead put out their new album online, and allowed fans to pay whatever they wanted, evening nothing. The results are in and, much to the chagrin of the spin rooms of the major music labels, gasp, three out of five people downloaded the album for free.

Even more disconcerting to these music capitalists was that the average price paid was $6 globally ($8 US), and only 12 percent paid between $8 and $12(the standard online album price). The same people who brought you O-town now say that this proves that labels still have there relevance. They say that unlike mega-bands like Radiohead, most bands lack the distribution and marketing to make models like these effective. Most people would rather steal digital music than buy it, so the only way for bands to make any serious money is thru major labels.

The band NOFX wrote a song in the mid-90’s about the music industry called, “Dinosaurs Must Die”. One line particularly stands out, “Parasitic music industry, as it destroys itself. Well show then how its supposed to be”. It is laughable to suggest that major labels have any interest whatsoever in their artists’ except for their personal financial gain.

Here is a quick summary of how it works to do an album on a major-label. They sign you, generally with a particular product image in mind (often by the formula of this artist mixed meets this artist). Then they give you a large sum of money called an advance. This advance is money with hooks attached; this is the first money that is “recouped” by the labels from album sales. This puts an enormous amount of pressure on the artist to be commercial; it is the mantra of the major labels who see albums and artists as nothing more than stocks. Even if an artist recoups the advance, they literally see pennies of the actual $15 album sold in stores. Labels make up all types of ridiculous packaging and overhead costs that amount to artists getting crumbs while labels get loaves.

Radiohead could distribute their album on an 8-track and people would still buy the album and scour the earth for 8-track players. They are a mega-band and of course they can demand things that other bands cant. Their model is however, a clear indicator of how the major label music industry is an empire on the verge of collapse. Even Paul McCartney bucked the Major Labels in favor of the new Starbucks Label.

Artists today know that major labels are no friend to them or their art. The label itself is not inherently corrupt. Many independent labels are fair and trustworthy, and they can do what many bands cant, promotion and distribution. But with digital music, the physical music disc is becoming obsolete. While purists will continue to crave vinyl or CDs, the future is digital music. And artists know that what ultimately makes them money is not the studio albums, it is tours and merchandise.

Artists today make the majority of their money being on the road and selling stuff with their name on it. This is why Radiohead is also selling an $80 box set which they will make a killing off of. The recorded music in today’s free-for-all digital arena is becoming less the show, and more the ad for the show. It is also forcing artists to push themselves or get out the way, because now unknowns can become known overnight.

The public is demanding more. We want more from artists live shows(death to the backing track), we want more than one good song per album(death to the one-hit-wonder) and we want more from the labels and distribution (death to the arm-and-leg prices for music).

Still major labels spin the truth, stew over profit losses and sue their customers. Empires generally don’t know how to react when they start to crumble. Ultimately, they will lose, Art is not something that can be confined to capitalist profit margins and technology is progressed with the human spirit of freedom. In the end, Dinosaurs Will Die.

Super Tuesday Cluster-Fuck and Beyond: Aftermath

The most over-hyped day in politics came and went, welcome to the aftermath. The punditry has been flapping their talking heads for the past week so here is the Duke reports offical Aftermath Of Super Tuesday Cluster-Fuck

Republicans: The republican nomination was all but decided Tuesday. The comeback Geriatric McCain was able to swing away with the majority of states and delegates, and is now a shoe-in for the nomination. McCain’s comeback has been a surprising and clear indicator of a fight within the Republican Party.

Mitt Romney was never that conservative, but he did look like an Arrowhead Model. However because of the inept candidacies of Rudy Giuliani and Fred Thompson, Romney became de-facto, and conservatives distrusting of McCain flocked to him as their only hope. In the end however, no matter what Rush Limbaugh said or did, Romney lost and McCain won.

Huckabee gave McCain the edge to win. There are 3 (sometimes overlapping) types of conservatives, social (generally Christian), economic and defense. Huckabee was able to stay in long enough to woo both evangelicals and Walker Texas Ranger fans away from Romney. The fact that he was Mormon didn’t help.

In the next few weeks, McCain will try to make amends with the conservatives who distrust him on issues like immigration and campaign Finance reform. He will accomplish this by nominating a southern conservative, possibly Huckabee or Fred Thompson to do the same thing JFK did with LBJ, appease.

UPDATE: Huckabee has decided to stick it in. The Republican Party is running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Romney’s Delegates are up for grabs and Huckabee has the VERY LONG SHOT possibility of beating McCain if he can muster some last minute anti-McCain majorities.

The Republican Establishment has sided with McCain, and they hate Huckabee. This most likely is already done, but with this election so far, who knows.

RON PAUL IS ESSENTIALLY DROPPING OUT. Unfortunately, fervent support even from myself wasn’t able to get Paul into even Huckabee longshot territory. The campaign has been worthwhile and important. The most important thing is that this new Libertarian movement stays together and fights on. Ron Paul was never the savior of America, he was an honest politician in a time where there are none. He needs to focus on being re-elected to congress to keep his voice heard. If you were passionate about Paul and his message continue the real fight.

Great change will not come from the top down. You will be sitting around with your thumb up your ass before that shit will ever happen. Start banding together at state and local levels to elect officials that share the message of freedom from oppressive government. But without this base, progressives, greens, libertarians, any third party group will not succeed. We need to stop focusing about shit like the presidency and start focusing on local, state, and congressional races. Ron Paul would agree, that is how you fuck their system.

Democrats: The democratic side Tuesday was less decisive. Hillary was able to hold off Obama’s increasing momentum. While Obama is slightly ahead in delegates, Hillary is by no means out of the race, but fundraising and polls do indicate a clear momentum for Obama. He raised 30 million in January and millions more this week whereas Hillary has wrote her campaign a check for 5 million and asked staff to go without pay. Obama clearly has the wind at his back.

However the upcoming states will be very difficult for either to win outright. With the exception of a huge surprise or gaffe, this fight could very well go all the way to the convention, something that DNC chair Howard Dean has already warned against. And unfortunately, it ultimately may be decided thru backdoor party treachery.

Super delegates and invalid elections in Michigan and Florida may end up deciding this nomination. Super delegates are not elected by primaries or caucuses, they are party establishment who can vote for whoever they want and are not tied to the wishes of the people. They have been shown to favor Clinton and they will be hard fought over. Ultimately however, someone could win the majority of delegates but have the nomination stripped if the super delegates decide to spoil it.

Even more troubling to the Obama camp is the problem with Michigan and Florida. They moved up their primaries illegally so the party penalized them by stripping their delegates. The candidates agreed to not campaign there except, at the last second, Hillary broke her promise. She didn’t remove her name from the Ballot in Michigan as promised like Obama and Edwards and she campaigned in Florida when she said she wouldn’t. Now she is crying that although the contests weren’t sanctioned she wants the delegates. If she is able to get these delegates, aside from being an outright liar and cheat, she will be the Democratic Nominee.

The Republicans want Hillary because they think they can beat her. Imagine John McCain, who looks like the crypt keeper up next to the dynamic, “clean” Obama. No contest.

But at the end of the day November is months away. A third party runner could shift these numbers all out of whack; Ron Paul isn’t going anywhere yet. At the end of the day, Tuesday gave us McCain, took from us Mitt, and set the stage for a bitter and backdoor fight between Obama and Clinton. Now would someone end the writers strike so we Americans can go back to not paying attention? Our head hurts.

UPDATE: Obama is kicking some Hill-dog ass. He swept her over the weekend and looks like he will continue to do so for the next couple weeks. She has changed head staff around and now is trying to rebuild her image as that of underdog. She has to win in Texas and Ohio to have any shot at legitimately claiming the Nomination. We shall see if when the inevitable Obama popular victory happens if she will bow out gracefully(with might I add a better shot of making a successful bid later) or try and steal it thru democrats of Florida. Time will tell.