Yesterday, hoping to find something intellectually stimulating to cure my boredom I, like most good Americans, turned on my TV. I thought to myself, I’ll watch “something educational”, like the Discovery or History Channel, thinking that surely they will have engaging and thought-provoking material.
Not even fucking “Cash Cab”.
I started to question whether or not I was in an episode of the Twilight Zone. On the “Discovery” Channel, there was an hour long documentary on Alien Vampires.
Real Vampires from outer space, not to be confused with the industrial-black metal band.
They have a single, "Nuns are Pregnant".... REALLY heavy stuff. Wore on my soul.
Anywhoo,
On the “History” Channel there was an hour long documentary on Big foot’s cousin, Big Bird (seriously, a supposed giant bird).
The H is for History.
What happened to the once lone beacons of intelligent programming?
I Fucking grew up on the Discovery and History Channels. But their programming has significantly changed, both in subject and content. Let me
first be clear, I love Mythbusters, and a few other programs on these channels that I enjoy.
However, in the past few years I noticed the appearance of two specific and vile types of the programming, Make Believe and Apocalypse-Vision.
Make-Believe programming is where we get Alien Vampires and Big Bird. The formula is simple, strange alien, ghost, monster etc., event.
For this example, we will use MAN-BIRD, Defender of Freedom.
Note:Man-Bird is in no way similair to Birdman a registered trademark of Hanna-Barbera inc.
followed by large bearded “experts”,
who get refuted by other less bearded “experts”,
ending with a Saturday morning “who do you believe?” cliffhanger.
?
To all you network executives, I don’t know if it’s cocaine or what, but how high to you have to be to think that this crap is a good programming for your channel?
Sure, it probably does boost your ratings. I am very aware that at least 1/3 of all people watching “How it’s Made” on the History Channel are stoned. But you are destroying your networks integrity, and only putting out the same ratings-obsessed, vapid commercial drivel that spawned a market for your channels in the first place.
At the end of the day, it’s not even the fact that you do shows on UFO’s or ghosts, it is how bad those shows are. They are flashy, ridiculously packaged and altogether bad journalism/history/whatever you want to call it. Why not do a serious program interviewing members of the National Disclosure Project, a VERY REAL group of NASA scientists, pilots and high ranking military and defense officials that has publicly stated not only have we been visited by Extra Terrestrials, but the
By all means do a show on Aliens, but enough with this cartoon shit and bearded vs. non-bearded debates.
More than anything though, your current fascination with the Apocalypse is the worst. Every other week, I am bombarded with commercials that make me want to poop my pants. “Gamma Radiation could microwave the Earth at any time without notice” or “A computer program has predicted the world will end in 2012”. Would you people please stop. Cease. Desist.
Be it Nostradamus, some Mayan Calendar, or Optimus Prime I DO NOT CARE WHEN YOU THINK THE WORLD WILL END.
First this programming is just as mind-numbing and flashy as your UFO crap. Second, If we are all going to die in some inescapable global catastrophe,
A. It is entirely un-productive and unnecessary to freak out over what’s inevitable (death)
B. If it happens, be glad you get to see it.
Finally, your Networks should be held liable for how many nervous breakdowns your endless array of End of the World shows have caused.
So please, coke-addicted network executives, put the discovery back in Discovery Channel. And put the History back in History Channel, Although could you make it a little less White this time?
No.
Well, just thought I’d ask.
1 comment:
I'm waiting for a blog in which speculate about the ideological function of apocalypse-themed television shows in a late capitalist society.
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